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| I feel like, I trust you God soo soo much,
that I'm numb to everything.
Is that healthy?
or better yet, is that even possible?
Or could there be some kind of deeper issue, that I fail to recognize.
that I fail to take the time to find.
the things I do now I feel are so meaningless to me, I don't want to do them.
or is that just laziness speaking?
if I was doing something I felt was important to me, would I really do it with 100% drive, and 100% passion, and with 100% motivation, 100% dedication....?
WHY IS THE AMERICAN SOCIETY SO LAZY?
curse the invention of television.
... I work at blockbuster.
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| I hate not feeling like myself.
I wonder if I'll ever catch up with my sleep.
...and I wonder if I'll ever catch my breath again.
the conclusion and revelation to all of this will be mighty interesting. | | |
| Lord..
keep breaking my heart until I go in the way you want me to. | | |
| don't let the troubles of this world dictate who you are called to be.
let everything
and every breath
praise the Lord
I've been questioned, and I've questioned, and sought out revelation for questions that I sometimes think are beyond my understanding. Mostly on finding the balance between God's will and our choices. The hardships we go through and the pain we endure...
I know for a fact the pain does not come from Him.
I believe that He would never waste a hurt. The pain and hardships we go through that He allows are for us to grow, for us to learn, and to help mold us into the person He wants us to be.
I believe when you chase after God's heart before any other, and put him first in everything you do, things seem to fall right where they need to be.
there is a peace that God (finally) has given me, that doesn't let me regret every tear I cried, every stab my spirit has received, every long night I could not sleep, every lie that filled my head, and all the visions and dreams that are still left unsaid.
at the end of it all I still end up shaking my head in amazement.
laughing at myself and apologizing for every time I had doubted You.
a peace at knowing that I don't NEED to worry, because I'm not writing my story.
and thats only because I've given God my pen.
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| I'm sitting in the middle of this room
surrounded by doors and paths and things racing past
everything is going on around me but I just stare into oblivion
just sitting
and things just keep getting piled on
and more decisions that need to be decided
parents screaming in my face and pointing
both in completely different directions
voices in my head
visions
open wounds
flashbacks
will it end?
I feel so trapped from becoming who I feel you want me to be.
I fall on my face again; I dont want to look up because I have no idea how to sort this.
I lift up my hands again; because I cant do this.
its funny that I suppose I believe in the back of my head that these obstacles are too big for you.
life. this never ending repetitive non sense of us having to throw our hands in the air time after time, submitting to you, having to re-convince ourselves that we are quite infact, free.
free.
freefreefreefreefreefreeFREEFREEFREEFREE.. FREEEEEEEE.
I say it again, but more convincingly to myself, that, I trust you.
but I'm scared.
I'm scared as hell.
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